Ten Commandment of God ( Exodus 20 : 2-17 ) 1. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery 2. Worship no God but me 3. You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God 4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy 5. Honor your father and your mother 6. You shall not murder 7. You shall not commit adultery. 8. You shall not steal. 9. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor 10.You shall not covet your neighbor's house. Let God's Word and my Life to portray what God can and had done in your life by His Authority Let All Rejoice for God Almighty

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Wow..

I didn't know why I have a urge to blog. I wanted to share my life. Let me begin with my life at the start of the year.

Starting this year, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable to a certain extent. This is because Kok Hong left cell on 31 Dec 2009. He was my pillar of dependence back then. Almost everything, big or small, I confided with him. Trusting that he will guide me and help me through the life up ahead of me. Furthermore, I was struggling hard with vulgarities since I was in the army. Yet, Kok Hong didn't leave me in a lurch. He had in mind Ben Yuan, my mentor in church to be my mentor, guiding me.

My life in command school was a struggle spiritually. I do not have a spiritual buddy whom I can talk to until ASLC. I struggle deeply with the sins. I felt helpless back then.

My sins issue was worsen in the month of Sept. I kept asking myself in terms of psychological terms. Am I lacking in love? Security? Control? To a certain extent, I was even "pushing the blame" to one of girl which I thought I like. I was thinking, "Maybe it is because I don't feel accepted when she rejected me. Maybe I don't feel love". After months of pondering, I realised I am just going in circles. It was just my coping mechanism. It was the wrong coping mechanism. I realised that it is purely my own self. It was I who chose to sin against the temple of God.

Recently, I had been doing reports for my group of accountability partners. I realised how far I am with God. Now in church, I shifted cell, I feel that I am growing in a sense, I find myself in the days of my JC, being on fire for God. I want to desire more of God. I come to the point of questioning myself for everything done just to check if I had honour God in all of my ways.

I think last night, God gave me a dream. A dream that was so real. This dream is something about black magic. I was in a room. I entered this room with a monster in front of me. He was asking me to drink a "portion" that will make me as disgusting as him. It was tempting. Somehow, I don't know why I felt disgusted by it and start throwing up. In a few moments, I find myself throwing up water. When I was awaken, I was praying to God, asking Him,"Why?". Somehow, I felt that it is like a form of purification. A form in which I throw up the bads. It also taught me(aligned with the bible principle) that I need to be frustrated enough that I will commit to God.

God, Sorry for the many wrong things that I've done. Today, I want to make a decision. A choice to follow you again. It is wrong of me to do things that defile you. Lord, I seek Your ways. May you forgive me. Let Your Will be done. Thanks for this dream. I pray that I will be more closer to you like this song:

Draw me close to you
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
Just to know that I'm your friend

You are my desire
No one else will do
Coz nothing else could take your place
To feel the warmth of your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You

You're all I want
You're all I never needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near

Signed Off @1:48 PM